Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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