Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
