dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
