My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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