I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
