good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
