you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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