an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
