who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
