i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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