apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
