Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
