i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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