I'm sorry my penis didn't work
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
