We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize