my phone needs a breathalizer
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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