FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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