found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
