Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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