After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
