You made me cry and you don't even care
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
