Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
