Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
