He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
