This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
