Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
