As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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