I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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