there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
