Where did you get a picture of my penis
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you would pick up someone in the library
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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