Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
