I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
