remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
