She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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