i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
