At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
