It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
