YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
