Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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