First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
