I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize