Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
