were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize