I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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