hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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