Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
