Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
These tits shall not be calmed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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