Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
