What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
