I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
