Yo dont text me then not text me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
