You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
