Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
