this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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