How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
