He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
