I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
