WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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