Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
