You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
