i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You can't special order awesome
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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