Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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