Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
