someone owes me an orgasm
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
