So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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